I'm about to step into an area that many people in the Christian community will avoid discussing at all costs. That's a real shame, because it's an absolutely crucial topic when it comes to our overall happiness in life. I am in no way a prude when it comes to these things, and I will be very open, honest, and blunt when discussing them. If you're honest with yourself, you will find a great deal of truth to what I'm about to say.
I'm fairly convinced that upon reading the title of this post, your curiosity was piqued. I mean, let's be honest here........Very few people on this planet don't enjoy sex, and most of us would agree that no matter how good that side of our relationships are, we'd eagerly listen to anyone who might be able to offer suggestions on how we can make it better.
Before we get rolling here, I need to ask all of you a simple question. Can you think back to a sexual experience at some point in your life that you regret having? Unless you remained celibate until marriage, or you're still waiting for that perfect mate to go there with, you answered "yes." If you're like most of the people who grew up in the 60's, 70's, 80's, or 90's, I'm positive that you will not only have answered "yes," but you also immediately cringed upon reading it. The memories you have of that situation are just as alive as they were within days of realizing you had made a mistake in that regard.
There are many reasons why people regret having gone there with someone in their past. Countless reasons. And they're all different for each of us. But the regrets remain, and sometimes the memories are extremely painful.
I was a teenager in the 70's, and this is what we were taught by society around us: "If it feels good, do it." This mindset began in the 60's, and for all intents and purposes, it has not only continued to this day, but it has also expanded to include pretty much any sexual experience one can imagine.
On the other side of the coin, what was the best experience you've ever had sexually? Funny, but you remembered that one immediately too, didn't you?
What was the major difference between these two experiences?
I'm going to go out on a limb here and make an assumption. The major difference between the two was this: The level of mutual love you felt between yourself and the other person, the level of importance you were given in the life of that person, and the level of openness that was allowed between each other during that experience. Am I wrong? I think not. During the positive sexual experienced, you felt special. You felt loved. You felt a sense of closeness far beyond the experience itself. During the bad experience, or shortly thereafter, you felt ordinary, unnecessary, or possibly even used.
How would this make you feel?: You find someone whom you're very attracted to. In time, your love grows more and more for each other. You learn everything there is to know about who they are as a person, and you love all of it. You see how they carry themselves in countless situations, and find yourself being more impressed with who they are as a person every time you're around them. Finally, the moment comes when you are able to come together with them sexually, and just before going there, they look you in the eyes and say "I've waited all of my life for you........and I've waited all of my life for this very moment."
And what if..........what if.........just before going there........the two of you can openly pray to the Creator of all things, thanking Him for this beautiful gift you are about to experience, and asking Him to bless both of you in it?
Did you just get chills? Does that sound impossibly beautiful to you?
This, my friends, is what the bible teaches about how we are to approach sex. It is a gift from God Himself, and it was made to be beautiful, to be intimate, and to be blessed by God Himself within the boundaries of marriage.
God does not tell us to avoid having sex until marriage because He doesn't want us to have any fun. He wants us to wait because if we do, it will be the most beautiful experience we can possibly imagine. And if we don't wait.........we will have regrets.
So, how does that help us now - those of us who haven't waited? The answer is simple. We can start waiting now. Maybe we won't be able to tell that special someone that we've waited all of our lives for them. But we can tell them that we waited for however long it takes between now and then.
So, what about those of you who are already married? How can it be better for you? Pray about it. Ask God to bless that side of your relationship. Openly express to each other the love that you feel for each other while going there. If you're not doing that now, why not?
The relationship between a husband and wife is a very special, beautiful gift. Why would we ever settle for anything less than that, and why would we teach our children to settle for less by assuming that they can't wait........or worse yet, by telling them that they shouldn't have to?
Don't believe this is possible? Ask couples who have waited. There are plenty of them out there. If you do, there's one word you won't hear them mention. That word is regret.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
What do men really want?
Not even knowing who you are as you read this, I'm absolutely convinced that when you read the title of this blog, 90% of you responded with the same one-word answer. I'm not going to give your answer away, but I will say this: It's a three-letter word, it starts with an "s," and ends with an "ex."
Am I close?
There seems to be a widely held belief that all men want out of a relationship is sex, and if a woman who's in a relationship with a man is able to keep him happy in that area, he will do whatever it takes to keep that relationship strong.
But is that really true? I believe that the evidence screams out an emphatic NO!! In fact, we can all recall countless examples of men who were in relationships where that was the case, and who eventually grew tired of the relationship and looked elsewhere for what they already had at home.
So, what is the real issue here? What is it that men really want?
If you're a man, I would ask you to choose from one of the two options below. If you could choose only one, would you rather experience:
1. Having every woman you meet become sexually attracted to you immediately upon meeting you.
Or:
2. Having everyone you meet immediately respect you, your accomplishments, your abilities, and who you are as a person.
Ladies, as surprised as you might be by the answer, I can almost guarantee that the vast majority of men who read those choices picked option 2. How do I know this? Because I know that what men want more than anything is to be respected by those around them. They want to be respected by their wives, their friends, their families, their co-workers, and by anyone else they may come into contact with. In fact, their inner desire to feel that respect will cause them to give up nearly anything else to gain it.
While the best way for men to be seen as respectable would be to consistently carry themselves in a respectable manner, what's ironic is that many men want that respect so badly they will often times resort to less than respectable means to either gain it or maintain it. In some cases, they will even lie, cheat and steal if necessary. They will take risks which - if they fail to work out the way they'd hoped - will lead to their losing whatever respect they've already acquired.
In my effort to show how relevant the bible remains - even in these days, when many believe it's old and out dated - I offer the following verse, directed toward women in relation to how they should treat their husbands:
"However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Ephesians 5:33
What I find very interesting here is that the advice given to men and women in regard to relationships is very different. Men are encouraged to "love their wives," and women are encouraged to "respect their husbands." Why do you think this is? The answer is an obvious one. Women don't need to be encouraged to love. They have wired within them an uncanny ability to love their families unconditionally. Most men, on the other hand, don't. But respect is an entirely different issue. You can respect someone without loving them, but it's nearly impossible to love someone without respecting them first.
So, what does it mean to "respect" as the bible teaches. Does it mean to be a doormat? Does it mean you should be silent, never offering your thoughts or opinions? Does it mean that a woman should put up with various forms of abuse? Absolutely not. In Genesis 2:18, we read:
"The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
What good will it do any man to have a helper whom he has silenced? How useful is a helper who isn't allowed to share their thoughts, concerns, ideas, and opinions? Any man who treats his wife in this way is a fool for having done so. For a helper to be of any use whatsoever, there has to first be a mutual respect between the two. If a man feels that he is respected by his wife, her influence in his life will be unmistakable, and he will become a better man for it. If he acts in ways that harm her ability to respect him, then he needs to be corrected. If that correction comes in a loving way that shows him respect, and he feels that love and respect at the core of his soul, there is no limit to what he can accomplish as a man.
Am I close?
There seems to be a widely held belief that all men want out of a relationship is sex, and if a woman who's in a relationship with a man is able to keep him happy in that area, he will do whatever it takes to keep that relationship strong.
But is that really true? I believe that the evidence screams out an emphatic NO!! In fact, we can all recall countless examples of men who were in relationships where that was the case, and who eventually grew tired of the relationship and looked elsewhere for what they already had at home.
So, what is the real issue here? What is it that men really want?
If you're a man, I would ask you to choose from one of the two options below. If you could choose only one, would you rather experience:
1. Having every woman you meet become sexually attracted to you immediately upon meeting you.
Or:
2. Having everyone you meet immediately respect you, your accomplishments, your abilities, and who you are as a person.
Ladies, as surprised as you might be by the answer, I can almost guarantee that the vast majority of men who read those choices picked option 2. How do I know this? Because I know that what men want more than anything is to be respected by those around them. They want to be respected by their wives, their friends, their families, their co-workers, and by anyone else they may come into contact with. In fact, their inner desire to feel that respect will cause them to give up nearly anything else to gain it.
While the best way for men to be seen as respectable would be to consistently carry themselves in a respectable manner, what's ironic is that many men want that respect so badly they will often times resort to less than respectable means to either gain it or maintain it. In some cases, they will even lie, cheat and steal if necessary. They will take risks which - if they fail to work out the way they'd hoped - will lead to their losing whatever respect they've already acquired.
In my effort to show how relevant the bible remains - even in these days, when many believe it's old and out dated - I offer the following verse, directed toward women in relation to how they should treat their husbands:
"However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Ephesians 5:33
What I find very interesting here is that the advice given to men and women in regard to relationships is very different. Men are encouraged to "love their wives," and women are encouraged to "respect their husbands." Why do you think this is? The answer is an obvious one. Women don't need to be encouraged to love. They have wired within them an uncanny ability to love their families unconditionally. Most men, on the other hand, don't. But respect is an entirely different issue. You can respect someone without loving them, but it's nearly impossible to love someone without respecting them first.
So, what does it mean to "respect" as the bible teaches. Does it mean to be a doormat? Does it mean you should be silent, never offering your thoughts or opinions? Does it mean that a woman should put up with various forms of abuse? Absolutely not. In Genesis 2:18, we read:
"The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
What good will it do any man to have a helper whom he has silenced? How useful is a helper who isn't allowed to share their thoughts, concerns, ideas, and opinions? Any man who treats his wife in this way is a fool for having done so. For a helper to be of any use whatsoever, there has to first be a mutual respect between the two. If a man feels that he is respected by his wife, her influence in his life will be unmistakable, and he will become a better man for it. If he acts in ways that harm her ability to respect him, then he needs to be corrected. If that correction comes in a loving way that shows him respect, and he feels that love and respect at the core of his soul, there is no limit to what he can accomplish as a man.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
What do women really want?
With a title like this, I'm fairly certain that many of you decided to read this - not because you believe for a moment that I have somehow figured out exactly what women want - but with more of a "one eyebrow raised" sort of skepticism. After all, how can any one man - especially a single man - know exactly what women want? It's a ludicrous thought, no? The female mind and heart are far too complex to decode for any man, right? Well, bear with me. You may just be surprised.
Way back in 1990, a movie was released that really struck a chord with both men and women. In fact, it was, and remains, one of the most successful romantic comedies of all time. It was a peculiar little love story called "Pretty Woman," starring Julia Roberts and Richard Gere. I'm sure that most of you have seen the movie, but I'll recap the general theme just to refresh your memory.
Richard Gere played the role of a wildly successful businessman who is in town for a short time. Not knowing exactly where he was in an unfamiliar place, he stopped and asked Julia Roberts - who played the role of a prostitute - for directions.
As the movie progresses, the two of them begin to spend a lot of time together, and truly enjoy each other's company. Not in a client/prostitute relationship, but more as compainions. Richard begins to see an incredible beauty in Julia, not looking at her as a prostitute, but as a valuable, precious woman. He pampers her, showers her with elaborate gifts, takes her to beautiful places, and defends her from anyone who might look down on her or judge her.
But she gives him something too. She shows him the beauty of a simpler life, far removed from the cut-throat business world his life revolves around. The two eventually fall madly in love, and live happily ever after, we're led to assume.
But what if there were more to the story? What if the story followed their relationship for the next decade? What if, at some point, Richard decided to completely abandon any riches he may have had to live in relative poverty, simply so he could be with her? What if he then spent many years caring for her, encouraging her, admiring her beauty - both inward and outward, lifting her up, and continually insisting that nothing would be impossible for her if she simply believed in the love they had for each other? What if he went even further, and at some point in the movie was put in a position where he gave to give up his own life to save hers........and did so willingly, without hesitation? What if he did all of this while never once mentioning the bad choices she had made in her past, but forgetting them as if they had never happened? What woman on this planet would not give anything to be with a man who loved her that much?
This may come as a shock to you, but that's exactly how the bible tells husbands to love their wives. Don't believe me? If not, read this:
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself." Ephesians 5:25-18
I've heard many people say that the bible is just old, outdated, stale, and completey irrelevant in today's society. Let me ask you this: Does that sound outdated? Irrelevant in our modern world? Does it sound old, stale, and rediculous? Or does it sound like the kind of thing that could completely revolutionize a marriage?
Us men will never be able to do this perfectly. After all, we're only human. But if we simply tried to do the best that we can on a daily basis to love our wives as described here, I have no doubt we would witness them coming alive in ways we never dreamed possible. Why? Because this is what a woman really wants more than anything else............To be loved.
Way back in 1990, a movie was released that really struck a chord with both men and women. In fact, it was, and remains, one of the most successful romantic comedies of all time. It was a peculiar little love story called "Pretty Woman," starring Julia Roberts and Richard Gere. I'm sure that most of you have seen the movie, but I'll recap the general theme just to refresh your memory.
Richard Gere played the role of a wildly successful businessman who is in town for a short time. Not knowing exactly where he was in an unfamiliar place, he stopped and asked Julia Roberts - who played the role of a prostitute - for directions.
As the movie progresses, the two of them begin to spend a lot of time together, and truly enjoy each other's company. Not in a client/prostitute relationship, but more as compainions. Richard begins to see an incredible beauty in Julia, not looking at her as a prostitute, but as a valuable, precious woman. He pampers her, showers her with elaborate gifts, takes her to beautiful places, and defends her from anyone who might look down on her or judge her.
But she gives him something too. She shows him the beauty of a simpler life, far removed from the cut-throat business world his life revolves around. The two eventually fall madly in love, and live happily ever after, we're led to assume.
But what if there were more to the story? What if the story followed their relationship for the next decade? What if, at some point, Richard decided to completely abandon any riches he may have had to live in relative poverty, simply so he could be with her? What if he then spent many years caring for her, encouraging her, admiring her beauty - both inward and outward, lifting her up, and continually insisting that nothing would be impossible for her if she simply believed in the love they had for each other? What if he went even further, and at some point in the movie was put in a position where he gave to give up his own life to save hers........and did so willingly, without hesitation? What if he did all of this while never once mentioning the bad choices she had made in her past, but forgetting them as if they had never happened? What woman on this planet would not give anything to be with a man who loved her that much?
This may come as a shock to you, but that's exactly how the bible tells husbands to love their wives. Don't believe me? If not, read this:
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself." Ephesians 5:25-18
I've heard many people say that the bible is just old, outdated, stale, and completey irrelevant in today's society. Let me ask you this: Does that sound outdated? Irrelevant in our modern world? Does it sound old, stale, and rediculous? Or does it sound like the kind of thing that could completely revolutionize a marriage?
Us men will never be able to do this perfectly. After all, we're only human. But if we simply tried to do the best that we can on a daily basis to love our wives as described here, I have no doubt we would witness them coming alive in ways we never dreamed possible. Why? Because this is what a woman really wants more than anything else............To be loved.
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